The boat is sinking fast, you ran out of things to plug the holes to keep things level. But after taking in so much water, maybe it is time to retire this old project? We tend to view marriage the same way while the water is gushing in. While we are busy covering up the damage, nothing is really getting fixed and the structure is being destroyed. Marriage is hard all around. It’s easy to dwell on the bad when you don’t know where to start and it can be overwhelming. There is a raft we will throw you and that is hope. You can save your broken marriage if you are on the brink of giving up. Before you allow any more hurt or disappointment into the relationship–we need to rebuild it. Here are 6 ways to save your marriage from failing.
Ask yourself where things got off track and be honest. Was it a fight that never got settled or was it a statement that was made that you just can’t forgive? Many of the quandaries come from us making poor choices like not making time for our marriage, not making the needed sacrifices or a lack of intimacy. You still have a choice to avoid hitting the rocks if you are honest and get to the root of the anger. Remember there is always a source. Things don’t happen overnight, you got to this point for a reason.
Tame Your Thoughts
If your relationship is fueled by emotion, no wonder the boat is tanking. This is harsh but true. Feelings are up and feelings are occasionally down. Look back and see how your emotions played a role in the inconsistencies in your marriage. If so, start to distance yourself from feelings that are negative and distracting you from making your marriage work. If every feeling you have towards your spouse is negative, replace it with a positive one. You could cloud your thinking on how they leave their boxers on the floor or choose to acknowledge that they always thoughtful.
Start to Listen
Poor communication can really derail the relationship. There will be times where you don’t want to deal with them or they are not listening. This is not an anomaly. People become tired, are working and sometimes don’t have a lot to offer. A person could be passive aggressive and doesn’t know how to communicate. Maybe it is time that you start to listen! To listen more effectively, you need to stop talking! This will take practice, but be patient and allow them to communicate. Take a deep breath if you feel compelled to join in.
Spend Time Together
Try spending time together to reconnect and find out why you came together in the first place. To keep any relationship going, it’s important to get alone together. Do something that you love doing together. Go on a day trip or see a movie together. Act like you are in a new relationship and do something together that is different, like trying a new hobby. Maybe you both will start paying more attention to each other if you get out your rut and have fun together.
This is so simple and it is one of the hardest things to accomplish! When things are hitting the fan, being kind is the last thing you want to do. But if you think back to all the horrible things that you both said to each other, you might want to try the kindness rule. This sounds contrived, but there is a theory here. You can’t feed hate with hate as it just becomes worse. You have to destroy it by throwing kindness at it. Share a Scripture or a positive quote to encourage them before work or before they start their day. Find a funny story to share that will make them laugh to help break the ice if you need to.
Most people avoid seeing a martial therapist until things get really ugly. When there is a breach of trust like infidelity we often go see a marriage counselor for help. But we should not wait until we hit a crisis to reach out for help. When you need to find neutral ground, a therapist can assist you to become more objective and set goals to help repair the damage. “A motivated couple can begin to explore their problems from a new perspective,” marriage therapist Terry Gaspard shared with the Huffington Post. However, people who go into therapy need to do their homework and need to work on their relationship as the therapist is not a magician.
You don’t have to be on a sinking boat when it comes to your relationship. When we only patch up the holes, we just cover up the problems. Expose the difficulty in the relationship and deal with it so you can experience restoration and happiness in your marriage again.