When we are single, we often allow fear to dominate our lives. It’s easy to end up in a place where our default state is that of being in a relationship. Being single becomes merely the gap between partners, a combination of waiting and seeking. You can’t relax because you’re uncomfortable when you’re not with someone. It may even feel like you’ve fallen off a boat and you’re sinking underwater. You hold your breath and frantically attempt to swim toward surface when you can breathe again and everything would once more be ok in your life. This level of fear of singleness can cause major problems and isn’t healthy. The reason why is because your quality of life as a single person is being compromised. You can’t fully enjoy the benefits of being single because always, in the back of your mind, you’re nagging some sense of inferiority, this irrational dread that you’ll somehow be alone forever, and if you’re alone forever, that would seem unbearable. But you won’t be single forever and being single has many benefits that can only be visited when you let go of your fear. Here are five ways to overcome the fear of singleness.
Remember, Being Single Has its Benefits
The downsides of being single are compounded by the stigma surrounding it: singles are inaccurately assumed to be immature, maladjusted and selfish. In reality, however, single people may be less self-centered and more giving than married and cohabitating couples: studies show that they are more likely to help out friends, family members and ailing parents. Debunking harmful myths like these can help us become more comfortable with and accepting of singlehood in ourselves and others, whether it is a temporary state or a life choice. Being single is an opportunity to build strong friendships, devote ourselves to activities and causes that we’re passionate about, and develop a sense of self-worth and identity that is not attached to a romantic partner’s love or approval.
There is an inner voice that is constantly analyzing everything about your life. We engage in positive and negative self-talks that have an impact on our feelings. When your inner voice starts saying discouraging things such as, “I’m stupid,” “I’m ugly,” “Nobody wants me,” your insecurity increases and you start believing you are worthless. Be gentle with yourself. Increase your value by having confidence in yourself. Confidence is attractive because if you believe you are valuable, so will others. Start increasing your confidence and self-esteem. If you come across as a person who is confident and love yourself, you will be in a place of peace with yourself. Try new things, experiment and discover how much fun you can have with yourself.
People who are afraid of being single are more likely to prioritize being in a relationship over the quality of that relationship or potential partner. Those who fear being single are less likely to end a dissatisfying relationship, and are more likely to express interest in dating someone who is not good for them. Could it be that people who are afraid of being single are happier in lower-quality relationships because of their lower standards – that for them, any relationship is better than none at all? Instead of remaining the victim of your own fear of being single, take control. Tell yourself that you will actively remain single for a set amount of time: 3 months, 6 months, even a year. By doing this, you well let go of the fear of being alone that ultimately skews your priorities.
Think Differently About the Opposite Sex
You may have had a bad experience (or experiences) with someone that has tainted your view of love. You may believe that all men are jerks or all women are gold diggers. But the truth is there are many good men and women out there waiting for true love. However, if you hold these feelings of the opposite sex, your fear of staying single will increase since you are constantly telling yourself that there is no good person left. There is tremendous pressure today to be in relationships. No matter how successful you are, you are forced to believe that you can’t be happy if you don’t have someone in your life. This makes being single like a failure. But the truth is that you are far from being a failure. If you want, you could be in a relationship today but you want to wait or maybe you have taken time to heal yourself from a previous relationship. Don’t let any fears about the opposite sex sabotage you.
You Have a Better Chance of Finding True Love
It’s extremely hard to find happiness with another if you constantly have a need to be loved by someone. Find yourself before finding true love. Many of us are incomplete without the self-knowledge required to define our own boundaries, like and dislikes. Without knowing what our boundaries are, you can never attract a person into your life that can truly embrace you. Settling is the safe bet; whereas holding out is a gamble. There is a reasonable chance that you won’t find true love. But the payoff is so much bigger. For every story you hear about someone who was too picky and ended up being alone and miserable, there is another story about someone who stuck to their guns and ultimately found someone amazing who made the wait more worth it.
Many of us wonder if we’ll be single forever. Some of us even agonize over whether perpetual singleness is God’s Will for our lives. Maybe you’ve accepted that love is just a consequence of relationships destined to end. You may believe these sentiments are real, but they aren’t based on God’s truth. They are based on fear. Enjoy your time as a single person and let go of any fear that’s keeping you from total happiness.