There isn’t a lot I wouldn’t do for love, but sometimes I wonder if I’m truly a Ride or Die or just attracted to hurting myself. It’s great to give a relationship your all, but under certain circumstances, it not worth it. Use these 9 deciding factors to gauge if your romantic efforts may be in vain and have crossed the line to a waste of time.
1. You don’t care if anything is being reciprocated.
When you go all out for your partner, do you receive matched effort in return? Better yet, does your significant other take it one step further by trying to one-up you when you put yourself out there in the name of love? If you feel like you’re the only one constantly planning dates, sending texts first, and making small sentimental tokens of affection for your partner, then you may be getting taken advantage of, or at the very least, are not being appreciated the way you deserve.
2. You’re ignoring a gut feeling.
Your intuition is there for a reason. If the way your relationship is going constantly doesn’t sit well with you, or you find yourself biting your tongue to hold words back from your partner, there’s a reason. Trust yourself and take a moment to be real with you. Is this just a breakdown of communication or are there serious toxic red flags you’re trying to brush off? True love isn’t supposed to be easy, but it should be assured.
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4. Your circle is warning you.
At the end of the day, you’re the only person living your life and responsible for your happiness. Sometimes, you need to take the opinions of others with a grain of salt. They’re not always going to understand the connection you have with someone else and it’s not meant for them to have. At the same time, if trusted people in your lives collectively have a negative reaction to your partner or the course of your relationship, this may be a sign of them seeing something you’re not seeing or ready to admit yet. They’re not the ones wearing rose-colored glasses and may have a clearer picture of reality than you at the moment. Even worse is if the people closest to you are completely burnt out on your situation. Don’t be too stubborn for love and fool yourself into a bad fit.
5. There is no tangible, measurable progression.
Your relationship should not be stagnant. If you’re still having the same issues after continuously vocalizing your concerns or endless ambiguity about the status of things between you, this is not good. It’s certainly not a call to action to keep pouring your heart and soul into the union. You can only give so much of yourself to something that someone else isn’t equally as invested in making work.
6. You’re not actually in a relationship at all.
Does what you’re doing with that person even have a label? If so, then it’s clear and acceptable on your part to even act this way because you’re fulfilling a role you’re signed up to do and not trying to audition for. If not, why are you giving away perks for free? You should just be giving a preview of what could be in store for them in the future if they subscribe to the full package.
7. You’re constantly questioning it.
If you’re reading articles, blogs, forums and checking your horoscope daily looking for signs of your relationship working out, those actions in and of themselves are probably your signs- and not good ones. It doesn’t hurt to do some homework, but you shouldn’t need an entire doctorate in relationships just to make the one you’re in function. That’s not natural and you can’t force something that isn’t meant to be. There should at least be underlying chemistry to start with.
8. You haven’t had a check-in with your own set standards.
It can be hard once you’re already in a relationship to hold yourself accountable for what you wanted from one before you got in it. That’s like getting drunk first and then planning for how you’re not going to drive when you drink while you’re in the inebriated state. It’s important to write out what your deal breakers and visions are in advance and do some self-assessments of how closely what you’re doing matches up to that. Don’t start throwing your core values and expectations out the window once you start catching feelings because the honeymoon phase will end, and you’ll be left with things you don’t agree with without the butterflies to make them feel OK.
9. You keep ending up in the same repeat toxic relationships over and over.
Clearly, there’s some unresolved trauma or a possible unhealed broken relationship from the past you’re trying to recreate here. The universe isn’t going to let you move on until you learn the lesson it’s trying to teach you. Learn it so you can move on to bigger and better things- like a healthy, stable, mutually beneficial relationship. By not evolving, you are just attracting the same hurt again and again and there’s nothing romantic about that.
10. You ignore your body.
No, I’m not referring to your sex life. I’m asking what your body is trying to tell you. Internal stress will manifest itself somehow and if you’re not being truly honest with you, your body will let you know. If you’re constantly feeling run down and getting sick with no known causes, it’s time to ask yourself what mental healing you may need to precede the physical.
Originally Published: www.bolde.com